Haven't you boys and manly girls in the world ever want to tap some nice virgin pussy? I have a cute blondie right in my own work that is looking for some ass. This person goes to the bar almost every weekend, gets some numbers, but overall never has sex. If the right person were to come along (read as: desperate), who knows what could happen ;). So who is the sexy devil I'm talking about?
His name is Mike*, and at this point he's been on the market so long that the owner is accepting credit cards, checks, and fat people.
Background is, Mike has been single** for about 6 months now, and has been actively looking for new chicks. He's been to bars, he's been to dating sites, horny match sites, STD match sites, and at this point I'm pretty sure he's willing to get an STD if he found a horny girl. Who cares about getting gonorrhea, right? A little burn every now and then, he'll probably save money on those special cock-rings that heat up.
Now Mike is not a loser, a dork, a geek, a nerd, a fattie, an asshole, a dickhead, or a social retard. When at parties or bars, he goes around, mingles, talks to a lot of people. He works out almost weekly, stays in shape, plays golf, stays mostly groomed, and has even fake baked on occasion, he's practically a metrosexual. You're probably asking yourself, "But Travis, your words have once again made me wet in the panties, but this time thinking about another man. Obviously I'm not as turned as normal, but maybe he's too good for me or any other bar floozie."
WRONG.
Mike is a pussy! Apparently his wife was a bad lay and made him forget what sex felt like after all those years because he is willing to give up NOTHING for it. A year ago, he'd pack his balls up in a nice little purse for his wife to carry around, but she must have taken that with her when he kicked her out (probably the manliest thing he's done his whole life). So now, he's afraid to even push for sex, or dates, or even to see these bitches again! What happened?
He spends his whole time thinking about consequences, and not even the good ones! Like, "Will I make babies?" Or, "Is this chick going to cut a hole in my condom so that I make babies?" INSTEAD, he chooses to think about, "I wonder what my sister-in-law will think! Or my friends!" NEWSFLASH: If they aren't giving you sexual favors, you have a right to go out there and get some from other people. If Tab---err, Jessica, wants to give you shit for getting your dick wet, then pull your fucking pants down, whip out your moan-maker, and tell her, "Well here it is, ho, time to prove if you're any better." And if she isn't, then go back to the one that was pissing her off. If a > b then fuck a. FUCK A MICHAEL. FUCKING A!
So yeah, let me know if you are into his emo-ness. I'm sure that are ladies out there that prefer pussy over a dick like me.
*Fake name to avoid embarrassment for him
**He's still technically married but he is going so fucking slow to get his wife to sign the papers
